Firstly my partner and I (known here and on IRC as Goldenwulf or GW) have decided that we would both like to post on the subject of the weekend we have just spent, but have decided to do it independently of each other, ie post without seeing what the other has written first so excuse any duplication of information.

Secondly, apologies to those of you who have already met MsDemmie and budgie{MsD} and/or spent time at their gorgeous establishment, The Edge. I know you'll be saying "yeah yeah ... we know!" but I want to give everyone a flavour of how this weekend was for us. For those who don't know of it please visit www.MsDemmie.com for some pix and information.

Neither of us were altogether certain what to expect from a BDSM course but I had talked extensively on line with budgie and GW had talked with MsDemmie and therefore we knew it would be targetted around various fears and hopes we had discussed with them.

So... the planned departure time of 11.00am on Good Friday morning came and went for us as it so often does, with yours truly dithering about what to take and discovering that all appropriate going-away underwear (ie that with some remaining modicum of elastic and suggestion of its original colour) was languishing wet in the washing machine, thus necessitating a quick visit to the shopping centre. Eventually we set off at around 1.00pm and all went swimmingly until we hit the outskirts of Bristol when the traffic stopped dead. We amused ourselves with 20 questions (NOT John Lennon AGAIN!!!) And by stopping to buy a talking book tape which cost £9.99 and could have been obtained almost free from the library had I thought of it. Said tape turned out to be utter puerile rubbish but gave us plenty of amusement in exclaiming to each other every few minutes "What utter puerile rubbish!" although I cant honestly say I remember either of us using that exact phrase.

At around 7.00pm we were eventually at our journey's end, a steeply declining one track road snaking down among majestic hills with the odd glimpse of the sea and, as promised, as the road made its last sharp turn there was The Edge spread before us, a large white rambling house nestling in the valley.

We were hugged and greeted warmly by MsDemmie and budgie and taken into a large farmhouse kitchen with an Aga and a table the size of the lounge in most of our houses. Almost immediately we were struck by the magical tranquility of the place and after a lovely meal we were taken to the self contained cottage adjoining the house which was to be our home for the next three days. The open fire was lit and armed with plenty of wine, chockies and <koff> herbal tobacco our course began. We all talked about our journeys to where we were at that stage, our fears, what we hoped to get from the weekend and from D/s in general, the need for honesty, what D/s meant for us and to us.

We were given a little look at the dungeon although it wasnt anticipated that we would play or get any demonstrations in there until the following evening. Budgie led us in there and delayed turning on the light until we were well inside. As the light went on we gasped. Those of you who have seen their dungeon will know exactly why. Those who havent, please take time to have a look at the pix on the site I have given above (The Edge link) Although they do not do justice to the splendour of the Roissi built equipment and the ambience of the room.

After that we returned to the cottage to resume our discussions until around 2.00am. It had struck us even before meeting them that MsD and budgie were special people and we were not disappointed. They exude empathy and wisdom and positive energy. They are both extremely experienced in BDSM without for a moment suggesting that they have nothing further to learn nor that there is any "one way" Their aim was to help us to see what is was that WE needed and wanted and then to help us find it. Talking it out with a third party to guide us and to extract our true feelings was leading to a true catharsis.

The next day we got up and GW and I walked down towards the beach before going back to the main house for brunch. We had discussions on communication and honesty in the afternoon and then we completed our lists of limits, working in separate rooms and not communicating at all while we did it. GW and I had had a half hearted attempt to do this before but this was a much better list. As requested, we handed in our lists to our hosts without looking at each other's and without discussing them in anyway. MsD and budgie analysed them on their own and then came back to us. We identified areas of difference and explored whether there was room for manoeuver where one of us had expressed a liking for an idea and the other had it as a big "no no" It was a very interesting exercise. Two of the main things to come out of the analysis were that I had a huge problem with "pain" ie anything over and above a little spanking, whereas GW while not having any desire to flay the skin off me, would have liked us to explore that aspect a little more, and that GW had a problem with anything which brought on his feelings of insecurity. We spent a lot of time dealing with both these issues.

After dinner that night they took us up to their own room and showed us their toys. MsD has made the most unlikely and innocent objects serve as toys (see her Pervertables on a Budget article on her site) and it would seem that hardly has a Christmas cracker yielded its plastic pressy but MsD has found a use for it!!! But as well as her "make do" box of goodies she showed us her vast collections of floggers and canes, good ones and bad ones, explaining what to look for and what type NOT to buy, and talking about weight, wielding action etc. It was during this part of the course when MsD was showing us some canes that it came out that I had been caned often as a child by my mother, to the point where she drew blood and that it is probable that I had developed a phobia, a theory which was to be proved right the next day.

Then they took us down to the dungeon and explained all the equipment and gave us a safety talk, after which they left us to it !!!! They said that we could come and get them at any time if an issue came up that we wanted help with.

After a trip back to the cottage to get wine and pervey clothing (Ok we like to do the fetish bit too!!) we lit the candles and the white sage, put our music on the sound system, adjusted the lighting and then sat down completely overawed and unable to make a start !! It was the awesomeness of our surroundings. I cannot explain the feeling of being in that beautiful candlelit room, with the music washing over us. I asked GW if he had read "The Collector" and on being told that he hadnt I told him the story, it made a nice little role play to kick us off (it's a kidnap and imprisonment story for those who havent read it) and we only needed the role play prop for about 10 or 15 minutes before feeling confident enough to be ourselves.

I was unable to try the wheel (see the piccie on the site) because of trouble with my wrist but we tried everything else. The "ladder" was particularly nice. A sort of padded bench that stands at 45 degrees to the wall. I felt myself really beginning to drift off into space on this. Another first for me was the desire to play without a blindfold. Nice as blindfolds are I had always used them as a prop to shut myself off in order to get into space. After all the talking we had done and in that wonderful atmosphere I didnt feel I needed it. The only issue to come up for us when we talked afterwards that night was that GW had felt too nervous to use the flogger any harder than he did, that was because of my talk of fear of pain and also because previously whenever something has become a bit too "ouchy" in a scene I have responded by yelping, jumping up and destroying the scene. Of course we knew all about safewords but I had been using a knee jerk reaction. Safewording had been another large discussion that day. Not just the "red" type word but also "green" for Mmmmmore, amber for slow it down please and blue for discomfort, need for the loo etc.

The next day we discussed this with MsD and budgie and I asked MsD if she would give GW a demonstration using me. We knew they had planned to give a demo with the two of them but I thought it would help GW to see someone whom he could in no way feel threatened by, using a flogger on me. They agreed this would be a good idea. After brunch they showed us the video budgie featured in a few years back, their purpose being HOW NOT TO DO BDSM. Then they left us for a while for GW and I to get close before my flogging. When they met us in the dungeon budgie padded the Y bench with towels for me and I lay face down. GW was at my head, crouched down holding my hands and hugging me and budgie was also close by ensuring that all was well. I felt totally cared for. MsD began with some nice soft swishy strokes with the flogger and I began to use some of the techniques budgie had told me about for getting into space, breathing, using the beat of the music, focusing on a visual point. The strokes got harder and I felt totally carried away. MsD used the beat of the music and I was staring into GW's eyes and grinning like the proverbial cheshire !! The strokes progressively became quite hard but it felt wonderful ! GW said afterwards that he was learning two things, how hard I could take it without discomfort and also MsD's technique. Then MsD took up the cane. They had deliberately decided to try this because of the theory we had examined the night before that I might have a phobia. She tapped me really gently, almost stroking but I felt a real fear rising. I didnt want to safeword because it wasnt hurting and I wanted to see if I could get beyond it but budgie saw that I was in trouble and signalled to MsD who stopped immediately. They had not wanted to take me out of the space I was in. MsD went back to the flogger, gently then slowly progressing to harder strokes. When that one stroke came that I couldnt handle I called out "GREEN" instead of "RED" which made us all laugh and was a nice way to end the scene.

Later they gave us their demo. Those of you who have seen them do this will know that budgie gets into some really wild space. It was amazing to watch them. Their love simply shines out. MsD stops every now and then and strokes him and they have a little giggle together. Then when she goes back to the job in hand budgie slips right back. He throws back his head with an ear splitting grin, uses his hands to conduct the music ... its a wonder to behold.

When we were left to use the dungeon for ourselves again that night we didnt need any role play to kick us off. We had a wonderful wonderful time playing and stopping to smoke and laugh. I was put in the cage for laughing too much at one stage ... blindfolded too although I have my suspicions that was so that I couldnt see how much HE was laughing !!!

So what can I say about this wonderful wonderful weekend. Those of you who have been know that I cant find the words. Those of you who havent been have just got to treat yourselves! We have blossomed under the invaluable guidance of MsD and budgie. We have learned things about ourselves, about each other. We have dealt with childhood and adult issues. We have discovered what it is we want for now .. what we may want next year will depend upon our continuing journey.

For those of you who have made it to the end of this mammoth post ... thanks for letting me share this with you

Ophelia :o)